the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
