If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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