Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
