Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
