Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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