using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize