The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
