imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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