i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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