According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
