Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
