my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
how drunk are you?
Several
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize