her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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