I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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