see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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