But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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