the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Randomize
