I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I forget how to act sober
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
