I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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