Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
