I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
