They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Text me some of your sweat
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
