I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I am midnight drunk by noon
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
