I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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