everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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