I need help removing her.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
