I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
