Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
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