i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
