let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize