First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
