look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Is this like a preordered booty call?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
