I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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