It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
