Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
