Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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