Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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