I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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