i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
3pm strippers are depressing
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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