i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
