He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
