You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
