My brain says no but my pants say off.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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