So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize