I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
