someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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