I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
