I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
