Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
