And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
