he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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