he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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