a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize