I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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