At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize