Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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