i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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