me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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