i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
