remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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