is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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