dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
