I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Randomize
