I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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