Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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