If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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