Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
