Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
