Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Can't talk, ducks in the car
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize