I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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