Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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