There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
