she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
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