glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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