finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
