Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I am midnight drunk by noon
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
