Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
