Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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