I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
