The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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