thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
