the condom got lost in my hair
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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