New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
