singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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