Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
