If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
