I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I love you.
Bad choice
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