...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize