wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
How does one acquire holy water?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize