my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Randomize
