i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
