Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
