its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
