I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
