More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
