my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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