You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
