who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
