need another drink. this is the easiest way
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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