Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
