This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
