i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
why is half of my head shaved?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
