I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
