Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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