i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Send help, water and tortillas.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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