Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
