so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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