ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm getting married
To pizza
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
