so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Randomize
