you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize