hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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