i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
