If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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