he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize