someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Randomize
