you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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